we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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