Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
