You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
