well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
