I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
