He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
