She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
