Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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