nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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