it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's shark week go big or go home
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
