Your tits are I can't wait for
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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