My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Randomize
