i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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