Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
