i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
