a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
