According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
