Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is Oprah even human
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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