Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
