so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
