He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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