he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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