just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Randomize
