all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
