I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
