that's an acceptable place to lick
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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