Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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