oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
