After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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