There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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