Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
