His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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