I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
