you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
