my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
