Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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