I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
