well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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