she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
