I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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