Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
