I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
