She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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