I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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