Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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