Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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