we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
