I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
