chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
