Plan B is the new Plan A
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
