I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
