whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
