i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
