and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
