My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
